HOW ABOUT MUSICIANS OF COLOR?

Help me out here, there's gotta be a ton more:

GREEN:
Green Day
Al Green
Green on Red
Green Apple Quick Step

BROWN:
James Brown
Brownsville Station
Foxy Brown

RED:
Simply Red
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Redman
Red Elvises
King Crimson

MAROON:
Maroon 5

BLUE:
Blue Oyster Cult
Moody Blues
Indigo Girls
Blue Angel

BLACK:
Black Flag
Black Uhuru
Black Sabbath
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Blackilicious
Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
Black Crowes
Big Black
Black Francis
Black Grape
Black Oak Arkansas
Clint Black

PINK:
Pink Floyd
Pink
Pink Lincolns

YELLOW:
Yello
Yellow Magic Orchestra
the Yellowjackets
Yellowman

WHITE:
the White Stripes
Barry White
Whitesnake
White Lion
White Zombie

SILVER:
Silverchair
Silverfish

GOLD:
Golden Earring
Golden Palominos

PURPLE:
Deep Purple
New Riders of the Purple Sage

ORANGE:
Agent Orange
Orange 9mm

BANDS ON THE MENU

Someone reminded me the other day of a parody I wrote a while back for a local weekly in which I grouped dozens of bands by their names and related food groups. I can't find the story (on the internet--and, I'll be damned if I'm going upstairs to search through my, ahem, archives.)

So, let's just play a little game together, grouping bands and musical artists as we see fit. Please add your observations.

FRUIT:
the Raspberries
the Cranberries
Blind Melon
Bananarama
Neneh Cherry
Fig Dish
Moldy Peaches
Blind Lemon Jefferson
Tangerine Dream
Orange Juice Jones
Fiona Apple
the Lemonheads
Moby Grape
Virgin Prunes
Apples In Stereo

CARBOHYDRATES:
Wheat
Bread
Limp Bizkit
Flour

ANIMAL (AND ANIMAL-BY) PRODUCTS:
the Meatmen
the Meat Purveyors
the Meat Puppets
Lambchop
Tenderloin
Fishbone
Phish
Butter 08
Meat Loaf
Pork
T-Bone Burnett
T-Bone Walker
Meat Beat Manifesto

VEGETABLES /LENTILS:
Korn
Black Eyed Peas

CONDIMENTS:
Salt & Pepa
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Spice Girls
the Jam
Peanut Butter Wolf
Green Jelly

SNACKS:
Cake
Vanilla Ice
the Blow-Pops
Alice Donut
Chocolate USA
the Devil Dogs
Jawbreaker
Sugar
Sugar Ray
the Sugarcubes
Humble Pie
the Mighty Lemon Drops
the Wondermints
The Candy Butchers

AFTER-DINNER DRINKS:
the Coctails
Whiskeytown
Gin Blossoms

SADDAM HUSSEIN IS DEAD

Saddam got the noose last night over in Iraq - we know this because there are pictures of it all over the internet. Cnn.com has pictures of him seconds before death, looking grim, without the noose, then with the noose...

You know, I'm surprised that nobody took the last 12 weeks or so and made a reality show out of it on television. Ending with the execution.

That's the logical next step to that kind of programming: "Death Row: The Final Countdown."

JAMES BROWN, GERALD FORD - R.I.P.

Wow, what polar opposites being laid to rest this week. If there is a dance floor in heaven, I'm trying to imagine the Godfather of Soul and former President Ford, spoofed constantly for his lack of grace, both dancing on it at the same time.

I don't like generalizing, but have any of our presidents been good dancers? Could Clinton dance? He sure couldn't play the sax, but he gets points for at least being attracted to a badass instrument.

Does anyone know? Could Lincoln do the "Centipede"? I picture Lincoln doing an okay "Robot," but that may be from one too many trips to Disney World's "Hall of Presidents."

MISS NEVADA GIVES UP HER CROWN

I just read that Miss Nevada has given up her crown after some "racy" pictures of her surfaced on the internet. Just days ago we were chastising our current Miss America for boozing it up (and smooching a girl! Gasp!) in a bar. What's wrong with these pageant girls? Didn't we all learn from Vanessa Williams back in 1983?

I'm not saying any of these young women has done anything shameful, but they all need to get the memo: THE PAGEANT PEOPLE ARE GONNA FIND OUT. Whatever you did. They're gonna hear about it, see a cell phone video of it, see grainy pictures on the internet.

It's a sad, sad fact of life, but there it is: if you've ever done something smutty, DO NOT ENTER A BEAUTY PAGEANT. Avoid the public shame and humiliation. Forgo the weepy speech wherein you apologize and give back the crown.

Or you'll end up like Vanessa Williams:

With a lead role on a top-rated network television show after getting parts in movies starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Samuel L. Jackson. Recording several popular R&B albums as well as duets with Tony Bennett- on a CHRISTMAS album, no less. Winning a bunch of parts in plays on Broadway. Marrying an NBA player.

Obviously, Vanessa Williams will never be the same after the public humiliation of losing her crown two decades ago.

Learn from her mistakes.

DON'T LET THEM TAKE YOUR TIARA!

COMPILATION OF INTERVIEWS

Long ago, before I became a journalist and then a fired journalist, I was a fiction writer with a few published stories and a nice agent-boy on Broadway named Giles.

I haven't written a word of decent, cohesive fiction in a nearly a decade. But, now, I'm going to try to find an agent to help me publish a compilation of some interviews I did for the media.

So far, I've interviewed a lot of famous people and in all but one case, published them. (Ryuichi Sakamoto - sorry, fella, no one at the paper I worked for cared about your solo career or your days in Japan or Yellow Magic Orchestra).

The list includes:
TORI AMOS
KEVIN BACON
MARCIA BALL
HARRY BELAFONTE
TONY BENNETT
SANDRA BERNHARD
CLINT BLACK
FRANK BLACK (of the PIXIES)
CHRIS BOTTI
GARTH BROOKS
CARRIE BROWNSTEIN (of SLEATER-KINNEY)
WILL CALHOUN (of LIVING COLOR)
BELINDA CARLISLE (of THE GOGO's)
EXENE CERVENKA (of X)
JIM CARROLL
DEANA CARTER
DAVID CASSIDY
TRACY CHAPMAN
MARGARET CHO
HARRY CONNICK, JR.
ALICE COOPER
ELVIS COSTELLO
LENNY DEE
C.C. DEVILLE (of POISON)
BETH DITTO
KEVIN DUBROW (of QUIET RIOT)
BARBARA EDEN (of 'I DREAM OF JEANNE')
ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO
JAY FARRAR (of SON VOLT)
WILLIAM FINN
DAN FOGELBERG
ARETHA FRANKLIN
CHRIS FRANZ (of TALKING HEADS)
JANEANE GAROFALO
AMY GRANT
KATHY GRIFFIN
PETE HAMMILL
KATHLEEN HANNA
MICKEY HART (of GRATEFUL DEAD)
RICHIE HAVENS
CHRISSIE HYNDE (of THE PRETENDERS)
CHRIS ISAAK
DANIEL JOHNSTON
CHERRY JONES
WYNONNA JUDD
ALLISON KRAUSS
K. D. LANG
CYNDI LAUPER
TOMMY LEE (of MOTLEY CRUE)
HUEY LEWIS
LITTLE RICHARD
L.L. COOL J
LISA LOEB
MIKE LOVE (of A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS)
DAVID LOWERY(of CRACKER and CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN)
BARRY MANILOW
MARILYN MANSON
MIKE MC CREADY (of PEARL JAM)
BRETT MICHAELS (of POISON)
MOBY
JOHNETTE NAPOLITANO (of CONCRETE BLONDE)
VINCE NEIL (of MOTLEY CRUE)
YOKO ONO
DONNY OSMOND
JEAN-LUC PONTY
MIKE RENO (of LOVERBOY)
NICK RHODES (of DURAN DURAN)
LEE ROCKER (of STRAY CATS)
HENRY ROLLINS
RYUICHI SAKAMOTO (of JAPAN, YELLOW MAGIC ORCHESTRA)
CARLOS SANTANA
PETE SHELLEY (of the BUZZCOCKS)
NIKKI SIXX (of MOTLEY CRUE)
PATTI SMITH
JILL SOBULE
STEVE - O (SUM 41)
BEN STILLER
JOHN TESH
RICHARD THOMPSON
LILY TOMLIN
PETER TORK (of the MONKEES)
JASON TRACHTENBERG (of THE TRACHTENBERG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS)
ROBIN TROWER
CORIN TUCKER (of SLEATER-KINNEY)
IKE TURNER
UNCLE KRACKER
LARS ULRICH (of METALLICA)
JIMMY VAUGHAN
JOHNNY VEGAS (THE MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSSTONES)
RUFUS WAINWRIGHT
BILL WARD (of BLACK SABBATH)
GENE WEEN (of WEEN)
ANN WILSON (of HEART)
BRIAN WILSON
KAIA WILSON (of TEAM DRESCH and THE BUTCHIES)
STEVE WINWOOD
TRISHA YEARWOOD
WARREN ZEVON

REGGAE AUTO REPAIR SHOP

If I did still work for a local daily or weekly newspaper, the first story I would pitch would be a piece about the terrific Reggae Auto Repair Shop on Central Avenue around the 28th street light in St. Petersburg. No, it's not really called the Reggae Auto Repair Shop, but it could be. The building is painted in huge blocks of green, red, and yellow and reggae tunes blast from it in the early evening when the crew is cleaning up. I haven't seen the guys who work there, but I imagine they are a dread-locked bunch.

It's a bright, happy anomaly in the Grand Central District, which used to be so grass roots and colorful, but - like most of downtown St. Pete - has now become a yuppiefied strip of upscale shops and antique stores - "quaint" little shops that the Snell Isle set can stroll through dropping major dime on the same crap you find at the Metro Thrift Store a few blocks east.

Do I sound bitter? Rich folk came in and bought the Bombshell building to make it a big, fancy affair so tenants like me will never inhabit it again. Gentrification is not a new story, so let's skip it.

But, keep your eyes peeled for the great Reggae Auto Repair Shop - not in your local paper, because most editors and reporters at those don't actually leave their "cubicles" to go out and find stories. Drive down Central yourself and enjoy it before it turns into a Starbucks.

CELEBRITY MELTDOWNS IN 2006

We're finishing up the year but there's still a week for a few more celebrities to lose their shizzle. This was the year of the celebrity meltdown, like everybody took a cue from Maria Carey a few years ago showing her boobies on TRL and flipping out in that hotel room. Just think: Carey has bounced back, winning three Grammy awards ths year for "The Emancipation of Mimi" - the awards were not the televised kind, but she's come a long way from the "Glitter" backlash.

This year's MARIAH MELTDOWN AWARD goes to: Well, it's a tie.

MICHAEL RICHARDS: "Seinfeld''s Kramer has a thing about Black folks - or make that "Afro-Americans," as Richards called them in a videotaped apology following a bizarre racist rant at a comedy club in Los Angeles. (What the hell does "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fork in your ass" mean, anyway?)

MEL GIBSON: Whoever's shocked by Gibson's drunken anti-Jew rant needs to be reminded of Gibson's anti-gay AIDS rants throughout the 1980s. Gibson is a schmuck, but calling that policewoman "Sugar Tits" was funny in a mullety "Lethal Weapon" kind of way.

Runners-up:
Britney's incessant crotch shots (Save it for your ob-gyn!); Lindsay Lohan carrying the AA books around with her at, like, discos; Danny Devito shitfaced on "The View;" Rosie thinking if you shoo someone's hand away from your mouth, you're a homophobe.

MOST REDUNDANT: Supermodel Naomi Campbell chucking her cell phone at the maid. Has ever a year passed without Campbell bitchslapping somebody?

AUDREY HEPBURN FOR THE GAP?

Is anyone else a little freaked out by those GAP commercials with Audrey Hepburn dancing around to AC/DC's "Back In Black"? Sure, the piece is creative - ahem, but what would the oft Givenchy-(not GAP)-clad Ms. Hepburn, who spent the last decades of her life working for UNICEF, think of her image being used to shill clothes made by cheap labor in some parts of the world?

It just freaks me out that the GAP continues to use the images of deceased idols to pimp their threads. Jack Kerouac? REALLY? Jack Kerouac wore GAP khakis? Maybe in his last few years when he was a bloated alcoholic hermit who never left the living room of his St. Petersburg house because he was waiting for "The Beverly Hillbillies" to come on television. But even still, no he didn't. Not, at least, when he was rebelling against conformity and living on amphetamines, out of a "rucksack" proselytizing about Buddhism and trying to get "real gone" black chicks in Harlem to sleep with him.

But, you know who did wear GAP?
Gandhi.
And, Amelia Earhart.
Pontius Pilate wore the GAP because he was a badass.
And come to think of it, didn't the Rat Pack wear GAP?


P.S. Jesus's swaddling clothes? Baby GAP.

THIS YEAR'S DISCOVERIES (LOCAL)

I had a pretty uneven 2006, like many people I know. Some creative types around here weren't lucky enough to make it to the end. Myself, I saw much too much of the insides of hospitals and operating rooms and they are nowhere as sexy as "Grey's Anatomy" depicts them. The year started with a bang-- well, we got a headstart, really, on Dec. 30, 2005 with the "Bombs Away!," the grand opening of Bombshell Gallery. And what a night - the first band to ever play the gallery was the now ubiquitous Giddy-Up, Helicopter! My own band, the Peabodies, featuring the Tampa Tribunes' pop music critic Curtis Ross on guitar and THE Jeff Wood on drums played a short set next. (Our bassist -for a long time on and off- was that night the truly gifted Mark Pezzo, who is now playing in Auditorium when not teaching psychology courses at the University of South Florida). The final act for the evening was Unrequited Loves who were fronted by the late, great Mike O' Neill.

MUSIC
I was dazzled by Giddy-Up, Helicopter! as I continue to be each time I catch a live show. I know the band (who are not five women - have you noticed Conner's, uh, "evolution"?) has recently finished recording an album and I'm excited to hear it. Other musical acts who impressed me: Hey There, Battleship! (what is this with the commas and the exclamation marks, folks? Save some for the underprivileged grammarian set.) the lovely and talented Geri X, Dry County - a great band that I can't ever seem to catch playing all together, all at once. Also: Disco Nap, Palantine. Candy Bars - who ended up on NPR a few months later. I finally saw the Heathens, the terrific alt-country band from Orlando.

ART
The art scene was as vibrant as ever. Bombshell proudly hosted a joint show between photographers Mitzi Gordon (yes, the editor of Orange) and Bradley Paul Valentine. It was really neat to see what the two of them can do with narrative in their pictures. Such talent. I was absolutely blown away by new painter about town (and Ringling School of Art student) Anthony Zollo, who some recognize as Geri X's drummer. Zollo's paintings are mostly steeped in realism - a nice breath of fresh air from the constant collage/pop art (which I love) that hangs on every wall from the Emerald's grass roots shows to big shindigs at the now defunct Covivant Gallery.

Photographer Marina Williams got herself to St. Pete (she lived previously in Sarasota) and got everyone worked-up with her exquisite photographs of her travels around the world. And her cheeky tie fashions - all the clothes are made out of recycled men's ties. Then, she split. Williams is currently over in merry old London getting a Masters in Art and cavorting with the likes of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons - at least at one exhibit, as her pictures back home indicate.

So many exciting new discoveries...

WELCOME TO EARFUL OF COOL

Welcome to my new blog, Earful of Cool. I had to bid farewell last month to my beloved Bombshell Gallery, the greatest arts space Central Avenue ever saw here in sunny St. Petersburg. My happiest time in the Tampa Bay area - so far - has been owning and operating Bombshell. Some of you remember me as the former pop music critic of the St. Petersburg Times. I also wrote, briefly, for the Times' (then) weekly, tbt* and cohosted the internationally popular podcast "Stuck In The '80s." You'll find a few of my postings on the blog for the program, but, admittedly, my cohost Steve Spears did the majority of the blogging. Spears' new cohost is the amazing Cathy Wos, who is a good friend, and, also, my teammate in the upcoming Vh1 "World Series of Pop Culture" try-outs in Orlando in February 2007. Our third teammate is funny girl/writer Shannon Breen. Our team's name: Big Fun. Esoteric, and clever. Just how we like it. Wish us luck! In the meantime, check in with Earful of Cool to hear my latest musings on pop culture, music, and art. xoxo.